You may have heard by now the dire news of forthcoming events.
You may even be talking amongst your compadres, discussing the best way to snuff out your own existence whilst there is still time, time before ears are polluted, time before your eyes are burned from their sockets, time before you have to witness middle class 14 year olds donning denim pantaloons with go-faster stripes down the sides.
Time is a lying illusion and irony and ignorance are it's conjuror and necromancer.
Do you know how time works?
Time turns heroes in to washed out alcoholics, quivering atop their brittle stilts that only years before were held rigid by the hands of the 'people', whilst the villainous, miscreants of the same age are glorified in rose petal Vaseline and once again slickly inserted into the arse of the nation.
Time brings about public heresy this time how?
By formulating the idea in the pulpy skull of Fred Durst that 'Limp Bizket' should put their disagreements to one side and...good Christ my lord....re-form.
No doubt they will assault our airwaves once more with their brand of illiter-osterone (I just made that compound word up, I like it) droolings. The rotund one with the red hat who married/kidnapped/fathered Britney Spears swinging his knuckles like a caged man-child, whilst the 'quirky' one blacks himself up like Thomas. D. Rice. Apparently there are others in this goon show, but I'm un-aware of them.
Where is their audience I hear you cry?
Surely, anyone who was imbecilic and dimwitted enough to have funded these gonks the first time around will have grown up and either died or become chairman of Daddy's empire. The kids of the same age today are indubitably more informed; what with the advent of the internet.
So it's down to the twenty-somethings, those who more than likely had the common sense to call shenanigans on Nu-Metal in the first place, who now see Limp Bizkit and their ilk as 'funny', 'random', abitofalarfmate.
Irony I call shenanigans on YOU!
Where were you in 1999? If you where were I was then you'll already be at the gates, armed to the teeth with sense!
Did At The Drive In and The Strokes happen for nothing?
Thomas Greatorex - over and out