An open letter to the cathode king...

Dear Ofcom,
As an avid user of the (full colour) televisual audio and visual receiving set I have become recently dismayed to learn of a telecast concerning one Ms Paris Hilton. After closely perusing my transmission guide of forth coming presentations it was brought to my attention that Ms Hilton will be appearing in a production in which she attempts to procure a new formal compeer. I bring to sir/madame's attention the following printed chronicle that served as a delineation to the viewer:

"The show will follow the captivating Ms Hilton as she flies to the UK for an intensive search for a new friend she can depend on."

Firstly one would like to point out that Ms Hilton has recently served a custodial sentence for reckless and intemperate operation of a petrol automobile. Whilst the 'Wild West' rules of the Americas may deem her time in gaol adequate I'm not sure what our Country needs is more iniquitous miscreants. Do we not have our fair share of broadcasting cads and lawless fops such as the deviant Jonathon Ross and the frankly evil Russell Brand? And what would happen should Ms Hilton and the detestable Brand meet? Copulation? Please sir/madame pardon me for such foul language. What could one deem as 'worse' in such a situation; out of wedlock fornication or unplanned procreation?
Secondly, materialistic broadcasting such as this may be 'trendy' and 'in vogue' (i.e. 'Panorama', 'Three Men in a Bigger Boat', 'Have I Got News For You') but the majority of your public, like oneself, find it palpably pornographic in it's nature.
There was a time when televisual events where just that, an event. Just the thought of Princess Diana's car wreckage beamed into our homes for 24 solid hours way back in 1997 still to this day sets my skin to that of the gander. A truly innovative and remarkably moving portrait of our Princess. Other touching highlights such as the falling of the Berlin Wall (smeared only by the wailings of leather clad street vigilante Mr Hasslehoff), PM Margaret Thatcher having her bouffant trimmed on the News at 10 and the rightful dismissal of the drug addled, sex pervert Richard Bacon from upstanding entertainment show The Blue Peter.

If we are to let such an abomination of a documentary to be aired then where do we stop I ask? Shall we soon be viewing telecasts of Sir David Frost water skiing whilst exposing his genitals (once again I apologise for my continental language)? Or perhaps a broadcast of the hideous punk rock star Sting parading one of his famous 36 hour tumescent beasts? How about Terry Wogan fucking a big fat bird right up her arse?

I believe my point has been laid out firmly and adequately in my correspondence and I eagerly await a reply,

Yours sincerely Thomas J Greatorex